Why am I ashamed that I like to give blowjobs
Why am I ashamed that I like to give blowjobs
Probably because that was the way you were taught, but it is nonsense...
Being ashamed is, in fact, the way we're taught to be about such things. The question you should ask yourself is, "Why should I be ashamed of something that I like doing?" and the answer should be, "I don't have to be ashamed!" and then believe it since it's the truth of yourself. Me? Never been ashamed of my love of giving blowjobs because it didn't make sense to me - but, like we all do, I knew that I shouldn't have sex with guys and how evil it was and... it's not the truth and once you understand that it isn't, you can stop being ashamed.
never did feel that way maybe because i liked it
Originally Posted by bob onit
I don?t feel shame, I feel pride in that I was able get him off with only my mouth.
It's soooooo freaking HOT! I do not know why anyone should ever be ashamed! I love watching men suck cock and love sucking cock with them! Grrrrr.
"Shame" and feeling shame are external feelings from you Shame feelings are imposed on you by society..
You feel a conflict in enjoying yourself while society is telling you that it is wrong.
"Guilt" feelings come from you. You do not feel guilt and so there is the conflict.
Last edited by tenni; Jun 13, 2023 at 8:27 AM.
I really think and feel that shame about sucking cocks is all about what society has convinced you about what is right or wrong concerning sex. I am convinced that these values society is espousing is based on crap.
Any sex should be considered wonderful - full stop. 2 people sharing a very intimate relationship and making each other feel good should never be wrong.
SIGNATURE
I enjoy getting a BJ just as much as the next guy, possibly more, giving one is another level up though.
Look inward and analyze your feelings. You gave a man oral sex. He enjoyed it. You enjoyed it. No one was harmed. It's no one's damned business how you live your sex life. Examine the behavior and maybe you'll see there is no shame in it.
I totally get this. I m doing this on the DL (bi married) and dont feel great about that ..
I have know guys that actually get physically sick after sex.. I have had more than one guy that after I have sucked him hard and he has fucked my pussy and then cum inside me get physically sick and puck.. they thoroughly enjoyed me sucking him and then stuffing their cock in my pussy and fucking me deep and for a longtime and getting worked up enough to cum deep inside me.. then the reality sets in that another guy got them so horny that they fucked him and cum in him.. the first few times can be kinda hard for some guys.. especially when they realize that they did that and then realize that they want more!!! The taboo part gets them.. the conflict of right and wrong gets them.. they did something they can never get back.. and worst of all they should have never enjoyed it.. but they did enough to cum in me!!
I too feel shame and doubt etc after I have a interaction (do not have much experience) and I think it is society and the fact I am married .. but I still want to suck cock
For some, doing "something they have no business doing" creates a physical reaction that I've seen vary from guys throwing up to having quite a breakdown/meltdown. Sometimes, I've seen this happen to a guy before any sex happens and have believed that this is his conscious telling him that he shouldn't do this and creating inner stresses that causes a physical reaction; I've usually seen it after the guy cums and in what I call "the moment of absolute clarity," when realizes that he just had sex with a man and... vomit, crying, anger, shame, guilt, and just flat out losing their shit.
It's why I learned to talk to guys - usually newbies - before the fact and especially after the fact and some guys have a delayed reaction to it, like how I have sex with a guy, he seems to be okay immediately afterward but, later, the reality of what he did hits him and... it gets very bad for him... and why I've told guys, "If you have any difficulties later, call me." Hard for them to believe that they actually did it; even harder for them to believe and admit that they enjoyed it; for some cocksuckers, the shame of sucking a guy's cock can evoke some physical and/or psychological things including feeling ashamed itself. The question anyone who sucks dick and enjoys doing it - but feels shame afterward - is: What sense does it make to feel ashamed of something you wanted to do? Don't let your emotions answer this question - let your intelligence answer it and the answer you should come up with is... it doesn't make sense to be ashamed and more so when, clearly, you're not the only male cocksucker around - there are an untold number of us; married, single, from all walks of life and some of us aren't gay (and like people think we are).
Don't be your own worst enemy in this...
Shame is a strange emotion. But it is dealt with by talking about the experience that gives you shame. When you can't talk about it, like the feelings you have after sucking a guys cock, when he just leaves. It can be really hard. You need to find placed to talk or write and process. This forum is one such place.
I sometimes feel a kind of self disgust after an orgasm with a man. Like why do I let myself do this disgusting thing. Which is weird because is don;t feel this way with my FWB. The difference is we flirt before hand and talk afterwards to normalize the relationship. We text occasionally to coordinate our schedules and set up dates. A relationship really helps.
A man that wants his monogamous wife to fuck others. And to swap cock.
is your FWB a-man or a women? I assume a man but wanted to double check
"This forum is one such place."
totally. I find it great to be able to share these discussions with like-minded others
its a weird mix of shame and being turned on by the taboo aspect of it for me.
Fortunately for me my to introduction to MM sex was a really good experience with trusted individuals as I have described in other threads. I didn't feel any shame at all, I was happy that I FINALLY had the opportunity to try MM oral ( I had been more tha curious since I was a teenager). I felt a sense of clam and well being, probably because I had resolved a very long standing conflict between my desires and the notion that I would be made less of a man by having done so. I didn't feel any less of a Man. It's what I was brought up to believe by society/environment/religion at the time.
I have a buddy who almost immediately afterwards feels "Disgusted" with himself and for days afterwards. With what he aas told me, I believe it to be the situations he is partaking in (quick blow jobs with strangers met online) vs the act itself. He and his wife used to swing and he was on the DL with on of the hubby's that they knew well and he liked. He's never expressed shame after an encounter with him. In the end, I think it's different for all of us and heavily influenced by the environments and influencers that we grew up with.
So, my feedback to you: No need to feel any shame. And when/if you do, focus on WHY you feel ashamed, and not what you are ashamed OF. Perhaps that will help.
querty said, "I have a buddy who almost immediately afterwards feels "Disgusted" with himself and for days afterwards. With what he aas told me, I believe it to be the situations he is partaking in (quick blow jobs with strangers met online) vs the act itself."
I'd wager and suspect that his immediate feelings of disgust came from cumming and being in the refractory period of sex more than how he was doing things and I'll say in again (and will keep saying it): It's normal to feel that way after cumming. The "shame" comes in, sometimes, when you know that you love sucking cock and, well, you're not supposed to love it, do it, think about it, etc., and it can make one feel shameful... because they love doing it. It's pretty weird how this works from man to man but I've seen this so many times that I can speak to it and hope it helps anyone who's feelig the same way... over something they wanted to do.
I have never felt shame due to the actual act in and of itself, the situation or the person perhaps, but that I think is more regret than shame. I have zero shame about giving head or enjoying doing it, I’d actually say it’s one of my favorite activities.
Man.
He responded to my doublelist ad. We actually have some things in common and enjoy talking too.
A man that wants his monogamous wife to fuck others. And to swap cock.
It's down to social programming that is the way you were brought up by your parents, the education system and other influences you had as you had. In many ways its great you have bucked all of this and indulge in something you enjoy doing and gives you satisfaction, and that is key why feel guilty doing something that gives satisfaction and joy, so long it does no harm to others.
I guess you will just have to eat more cock and swallom more cum to get over the feeling of shame
dicktrobing said, "It's down to social programming that is the way you were brought up by your parents, the education system and other influences you had as you had."
He's right about that because we are programmed/conditioned to feel shame about having sex with another guy. I'd say that it's normal to feel ashamed but, again, why be ashamed of something that you want to do and you enjoy? It makes no sense and it's my belief and contention that once you get it into your head that what our morality says about this is wrong, you'll see that there's no reason to be ashamed over giving blowjobs. I've been sucking dick since I was nine; I knew that I should've felt great shame, guilt, and fear because feeling this way was being taught to me... but the reality of it all told me that being ashamed was stupid. Sucking dick is so damned good and satisfying and that's all one should be focused on - and not the fairy tale bullshit our morality has instilled and installed in all of us.
As I wrote earlier Guilt is from within each of us. Shame is when external forces of society , education, socialization .
How do you deal with guilt if it is overwhelm?
Last edited by tenni; Jul 5, 2023 at 10:54 PM.
tenni asked, "How do you deal with guilt if it is overwhelm?"
That's when you get professional help; otherwise, such great guilt could most likely "destroy" a person if left unresolved. Not everyone manages to parse all of this and see that, again, there's no reason for them to feel shame over something they enjoy doing - and that a lot of other men enjoy doing. But, yeah - if this feeling is that overwhelming, get help and don't hesitate to get it.
Perhaps the word "overwhelm" is not the best word.
KD I disagree with some of your thoughts. Promiscuousity and its play in a role of my thoughts. If a bisexual is comfortable being promiscuous that is one position. When a bi person is comfortable with multi partners and praises the wonderful if anal sex and cock sucking I am not certain if I support these behaviours as positive bisexuality. Others may not.
I like the statement by Cat years ago. "I do not discuss my sexual behaviour unless we are going to actually have sex. "
Posting with a voice that sounds like a sex trade worker is not for me.
Last edited by tenni; Jul 7, 2023 at 1:01 AM.
Are u criticising bisexuals for their promiscuous sexual activity?
Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.
Im not sure but I read some posts that read promiscuous to me. Some that read as multiple partners that are kept in the dark or unknown. Multiple partners and all involved understand that it is multiple partners not secret and informed about multiple. There may be reasons why one are not informed. I do not support sex with minor and adult. It can be complicated.
If all/most of a person posts are same sex activitity and no discussion posting about opposite sex with little detail, that may more caution as to what is posted.
Last edited by tenni; Jul 7, 2023 at 9:54 AM.
Well, Tenni, I'm not surprised that you disagree - I expected you to and you didn't disappoint. If you don't support certain behaviors, you don't - but it doesn't invalidate those behaviors. If you don't like certain behaviors, then you just don't like them. Promiscuity has always been seen as a bad thing and... I loved being promiscuous and I'm still that way because I don't find anything wrong or bad about it but I have to be responsible for my actions - and I am. My response to your comment was based upon "overwhelm" - and I knocked you for not spelling the word correctly, by the way - sorry but it's a pet peeve of mine. Still, I've found that those who approach bisexuality by playing by the heteronormative rules that were imposed upon us tend to have a hard time understanding those of us who choose to not play by those rules. I don't and I have zero shame about it but, okay, if being monogamous in your bisexuality is what works for you, then it works - and I respect that.
I don't support sex between minors and adults either... but I know it happens and it's a part of the reality of things. Someone asked me why, in the blog I write, I didn't talk about sex with women and I appreciated that he called me out on that but I said that given that I'm bisexual - and I have written about sex with women and how my bisexuality gave me a bit of an "upper hand" - it's a given that I have sex with women but that's not what those who are curious about male bisexuality wants to know; they want to know why men are into sex with men and considering that it's still forbidden and I don't have a problem focusing on this and sharing what I've learned. But, okay - you want some opposite sex stuff with detail? I might entertain your request...
KD Let me apologize for the spelling. I am having a few PC computer issues
As far as using hetero normative values I find it easier for newcomers to adapt to. Guilt is something that they may understand but as the OP posts confusing.
y
The issue of disclosure and to whom is a personal and anything emotional taboo for some bisexual men os not something that those men resist and deny anything involving emotional.
Some bisexuals have more close to gay values or appear to be on the surface. They are interested in the plumbing and how to explore it physically but not emotional. Shame comes in to play ...maybe?
Religon may come in to rule a bisexuals actions or not..
Last edited by tenni; Jul 7, 2023 at 10:53 PM.
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