Shame

[Long Duck Dong]

Why am I ashamed that I like to give blowjobs

First I would ask if you can be more detailed.........saying you are ashamed but not how you feel, does not really say much....

I had a friend that told me he was ashamed about giving blowjobs

So I asked him how sucking cocks made him feel and he said he loved it, the taste, the feel, the cum, it felt so right.......but he always felt like he was something that he should not be, afterwards..... he was ashamed that he was no as * manly and straight * as he always imagined he would be, growing up..... turned out he was trying to emulate his father who he very much respected and looked up to.

His father was devoted to his mother for close to 50 years until he died and never expressed any interest in any other person.

So in the friends eyes, he was ashamed that he did not have the same qualities as his father, the love and devotion to one person.... that he was bisexual and would crave more than one person.
but not because he was bisexual and sucked cocks.

Yet anybody he mentioned that he was ashamed to, automatically blamed society, social norms, anti LGBT+ opinions, lack of acceptance, and even internalised biphobia.

SO yeah I would love to hear a little bit more about how you feel ashamed.....

[darkeyes]

First I would ask if you can be more detailed.........saying you are ashamed but not how you feel, does not really say much....

I had a friend that told me he was ashamed about giving blowjobs

So I asked him how sucking cocks made him feel and he said he loved it, the taste, the feel, the cum, it felt so right.......but he always felt like he was something that he should not be, afterwards..... he was ashamed that he was no as * manly and straight * as he always imagined he would be, growing up..... turned out he was trying to emulate his father who he very much respected and looked up to.

His father was devoted to his mother for close to 50 years until he died and never expressed any interest in any other person.

So in the friends eyes, he was ashamed that he did not have the same qualities as his father, the love and devotion to one person.... that he was bisexual and would crave more than one person.
but not because he was bisexual and sucked cocks.

Yet anybody he mentioned that he was ashamed to, automatically blamed society, social norms, anti LGBT+ opinions, lack of acceptance, and even internalised biphobia.

SO yeah I would love to hear a little bit more about how you feel ashamed.....

No need for more detail whatever.. He tellsya what he feels.. Shame.. There are degrees of shame but do we need to rub it in?

[Long Duck Dong]

No need for more detail whatever.. He tellsya what he feels.. Shame.. There are degrees of shame but do we need to rub it in?

I would rather ask than just assume......cos assumptions are where people most often get shit wrong.

[KDaddy23]

Tenni, I'm just now seeing this but it doesn't surprise me that some bisexuals (1) lean more toward being homosexual and/or (2) they find the plumbing a lot more interesting than emotional content but even if they're interested in the plumbing, it doesn't discount the emotional side of things - but that's not usually how it goes and not all men are interesting in being in a "loving relationship" with a guy.

Religion does rule a bisexual's actions because it not only mandates monogamy, but homosexuality is also still a mortal sin and ditto for fornication. What bisexuals find is that, okay, these are the rules and everyone is expected to comply with them but, um, yeah, homosexuals don't and since same-sex interactions are implied by the word 'bisexual," it doesn't full conform to those rules when a guy who has been heterosexual finds that having sex with a guy... ain't all that bad and more so when you can have sex with a guy without having to be in a relationship with a guy... and a lot of us enjoy being able to have sex with as many men as we can manage to have sex with while others just want that one guy to do the deed with - and without having to give up their affinity for women. It's not men or women - its men and women. Kinda kicks heteronormative values to the curb because if you want both - and most bisexuals do - then... rules get broken and there can be guilt as a result of knowingly breaking those rules. Almost every male bisexual I know, including myself, had to deal with the conflict that comes when you're supposed to be females only and... that's not how you're feeling because you like guys, too. Uh-oh...

And the sure and certain fact that not everyone plays by the rules.

[Cforme]

I think the stigma of a guy being sexual with another guy, being called gay, is something that many guys who enjoy sex, have to deal with, and it hinders their personal joys. Even though most guys would welcome a blow job no matter what, they would have to hide the fact a guy gave it to him. Such personal confusion, and it builds up a hatred. Why these guys have to think if they arent being a real man, then they are less then. I hope every guy who loves giving a blowjob, enjoys sex with another guy, whatever, enjoy themselves and know they are among the many who really are true to themselves and enjoy sex, and all the joys that come with it. Think of it like this, you enjoy steak? but only eat sirloin or New York strip. Think of all the enjoyment youre missing out in by trying others! Steak is good!

my hope and advice is, do what makes you happy, what brings you enjoyment. Do the things that others wish they could do or admit to wanting to try. Married, single, closeted, no matter. We only live once but there are many joys to experience. You dont have to tell everyone your business, not a requirement at all. Thats why forums like this are around, so you can share with like minded people and know that your joys are shared by many!

[julyguybill]

Years back when i started enjoying oral sex with guys i felt shame . I was taught this is wrong. After a week or two i would go back again engage in oral sex or blowing a guy I always went back and even began sucking multiple guys in an outing when they were available. I finally came to realize i really liked giving oral sex so why should i be sorry or ashamed. This is who i am a guy who like sucking guys often .

[elian2]

Short answer: I don't think you should be embarrassed if men desperately want you to help them experience intense pleasure?

Long answer:

I really think it's due to the way people are socialized growing up.

Boys -- Show no emotion. Always be strong, always be brave, always be competitive, always be prepared ..

Girls -- A lot of those same attributes but also always be empathetic, caring, nurturing, always look "beautiful", always smile.

No human being can do that 24 hours a day, 7 days a week -- but that's what we model for people growing up, and it's reinforced by the various institutions in our society. Those institutions are run by human beings; what people admit to in public, and what they enjoy in private seem to be two different things.

I remember the first time I admitted I liked being feminine (especially when I was young and passable) -- I was telling my story to a good friend and it was like giving a confession, my voice shuddered and I felt genuine shame about it.

The movie "For the Bible Tells Me So" has a great line where the minister Eugene Robinson talks about patriarchy and says, "The worst thing you can do to a man is to treat him like a woman." (Makes me think we ought to treat women better eh?)

The idea that a male would give up so called "power and control" and choose to be "dominated" by another male rubs some traditional minded people the wrong way. Like how some people think "it's okay" as long as you are the one doing the fucking right?

But ask yourself this -- who is really in control during oral sex? The person receiving the sex is in a very vulnerable position.

The reality of human sexuality IS diverse. We all have a full range of emotions and the happiest I've ever been is when I decided to STOP trying to label myself.

I reached a point in my life where I decided I could either be miserable trying to be what I thought everyone else wanted me to be, or I could be my own self and be happy.

At one point I remember going around calling myself "damaged goods" After about 30 years of reading, studying, introspection, praying, sharing experiences and learning from others I was finally able to integrate the feminine and masculine aspects of myself together. I went away on vacation and couldn't masturbate for two weeks, I came back home and one more time I denied myself -- all that energy that would normally go out went inward instead and I was able to have a tantric experience.

It felt awesome to be connected to all that is -- to nuzzle the energy rather than the physical. To express gratitude and feel love in return -- to feel playful joy at my male side, rather than shame. The feeling of being whole, powerful, connected was amazing -- it took all of my willpower to tame my ego. (It really was better than an orgasm).

The weight, density and confusion of the physical realm eventually came back of course. The experience has since dulled, but any time I start to feel negative feelings like I'm not "good enough" or shame over something as fundamental as who I love, who I am attracted to I think back to that memory.

We are all connected way more than most people want to admit, one part of an interdependent web of life -- your actions ripple out and affect everything around you.

You are just as worthy of love and respect as any other part of creation, and it's a natural thing to want to feel good and share pleasure. That IS your true nature.

As long as it's not interfering with your ability to have a daily routine in life, you are treating people respectfully, you aren't putting yourself or others in danger than it's no one else's business.

[Luv3wayfun]

Definitely some good advice in here. I went through a lot of emotional turmoil myself at first. I was 18 and still in high school the first time I had sex with another man it was the first time Id had sex with anyone, it was actually the first time I had another mans dick in my mouth and my ass. I had been able to get half the head of my own dick in my mouth since I was fifteen which just made me wonder what it would be like to have a whole one. That first guy was not interested in oral, he just wanted to screw me and it was very unfulfilling from what I had envisioned.
The next school day I had chemistry for my first class and it felt like I had GAY COCKSUCKER tattooed across my forehead and everybody knew it!
That first being not very satisfying so I tried again after awhile and ended up in a MMM 3 way that was REALLY HOT! I?m 69ing one guy while the other one was screwing me, I barely felt that other guy because there was this beautiful 7 inch cock I was rubbing on my face and sucking as far as I could get him down my throat. Then his cockhead started swelling and his balls tightened up then he started spurting cum in my mouth. I just started swallowing as fast as I could. Then since I hadn?t cum yet they double teamed on my dick until I blew my load int the guys mouth that id sucked. That still gets me horny today, 48 years later.
Then I finally had sex with girls, discovered I liked that too! I tried to deny my bi side, I found out THAT DOES NOT WORK.
So, over the last 48 years I?ve probably sucked about 30 cocks. I?m finally able to realize and come to terms with the fact that even though I enjoy pussy I really like sucking cock too.
I finally explained it to my oldest sister that if all the men in the world disappeared and all I had was pussy could I be truly happy? No.
If all the women in the world disappeared and all I had left was men could I be happy?
Truthfully I would have to answer Yes. So I guess that puts me at about a 3.5 - 3.75 on that Kinsey scale.
Something is so erotic to me to see and feel that nice hard cock slipping in between my lips and tasting that sweet salty precum gets me hard just thinking about it.
I?m truly wish I hadn?t wasted so much energy trying to beat myself up for something that is so enjoyable and pleasurable for both parties. That truly is just a waste of energy and not at all healthy.

[KDaddy23]

Luv3wayfun said, "I?m truly wish I hadn?t wasted so much energy trying to beat myself up for something that is so enjoyable and pleasurable for both parties. That truly is just a waste of energy and not at all healthy."

I've known so many guys who've done just that and while many realized, as you did, that it doesn't make sense to kick your own ass, many others continued to beat themselves up because they did it, enjoyed it, then tried to convince themselves that they don't. Or, yeah, that first time wasn't as mind-blowingly spectacular as they may have expected and now, it's ass-kicking time and, yup, some have said that they felt like they had "gay cocksucker" plastered all over them for all to see. With some of these guys, I was the second guy they had sex with... but not before I did my best to get this self-defeating crap out of their head and pointing out to them that the reason why they feel this way isn't really their fault; it's our society's prudish stance on M2M sex that puts those feelings of shame into our heads first and foremost. There are guys who'll have sex with you who won't have your best interests in mind or care about making it good for you - and that can have a major impact on a guy and have him wallowing in shame and regret and, yeah, sorry that happened but if you want to experience and enjoy sex with a man again, you have to put that behind you - and a lot of guys can't seem to do that.

Acting like it never happened doesn't work; trying to continually deny that you didn't like any of it doesn't work; when you know that you're bi - and you sure as hell know that you are - once the toothpaste is out of the tube, you can't put it back so being in denial... doesn't work. As I've said, I've never felt guilt or shame or been in denial because I realized early on that it doesn't make sense to feel this way about something that I wanted to do​. And it's so good, too...

[Luv3wayfun]

KDaddy23 you are definitely right on with that advice, admitting to myself that I really do love sucking on a cock (which you can see from a picture taken August 29, 2023) that I was really enjoying it.
So much so that I did put 4 pictures (1st and last of him and I) two middle dick pics are of just me.
Maybe one day I?ll unblock my face, if somebody asks me to personally I probably would but not on a public forum.

[jjourneyman]

Why am I ashamed that I like to give blowjobs

Shame is an emotion that you have to deal with. I remember my first time, I went home and thought about what I had just done. I had sucked another man's penis and let him cum in my mouth and had swallowed it. A million and one things run through your mind at those moments, but later that evening, I thought.. what's the harm? I wasn't coerced, it was m choice, and more importantly, we both enjoyed it. So much so, I went back the next day for more on my own.

That next day, I let him fuck me. I came so hard during that encounter! Again, as I rode home on my bike with his cum leaking out of me, I thought, OMG, everyone is going to know. But no one was the wiser. I didn't walk or talk any differently. Nothing had changed except that I had found a new way of experiencing and giving pleasure.

Bottom line... there is no shame unless you make it shameful to yourself. Otherwise it's just really good sex!

[phalluster]

I think the distinction between shame and guilt is important. No one should feel shame for their sexual desire, or for who they choose to have sex with, or what kind of sex they have as long as both are consenting adults.
Where it gets more complicated is when you want to suck cock but are in a monogamous relationship with someone who would not be accepting. Then sucking cock outside of the relationship becomes a reason to feel guilt. My way of dealing with that guilt has been by not hooking up with men to suck their cocks, despite my strong desire to do it.

[loves oral]

Interesting subject. My first time was with a couple friends that had done it for the first time the night before. The first thing that was said was "you can't tell anyone else". After that we had a really great time sucking each other in different positions. I pretty much immediately knew I loved the feeling of a cock in my mouth, that contrast between velvety soft and rock hard, the smell, the taste. Unfortunately it was a one time thing. I knew I wanted more but there was always the holding back of not wanting to seem to like it too much. After working through some awkwardness I was able to get to what I now know was a feeder/FWB relationship with one of the guys. It worked out great, he loved having his cock sucked and I loved sucking it. When he ended it I thought that was the end of sucking cock. I had a girlfriend and enjoyed sex with her.

I didn't know how to approach a guy to see if he was interested in having his cock sucked, but coming out of a XXX theater a guy asked if I was interested in fooling around. My automatic thought was no, but then after thinking about it for a minute I said yes. It turned out to be a one time thing with him but opened me up to the realization that I enjoyed sucking cock and it wasn't just a thing with my buddy. There was still the thought that I can't tell anyone, but now I had the desire to find a cock to suck. Not long after that I discovered the arcades but the hole in the wall confused me, why would some guy want to watch me jack off? (I'm really na?ve) It didn't take long and I discovered what they were for. Part of me thought it was great, I could find a cock to suck whenever I wanted, part of me wanted to find a FWB and have a more relaxed time. But the fact that the gloryhole was anonymous was really appealing, I was still worried someone would find out. I had a several girlfriends through this time and enjoyed the M/F sex. With AIDS the arcade booths closed or changed, attitudes changed and I got married and again thought sucking cock would be a thing of the past.

Then came the internet. M/M porn never really did anything for me, but I found the gay/bi chat rooms and found people like me. That I could talk to and understood me and I understood them. Then I found guy with similar interests to meet up with. It doesn't happen often, if I don't think there's a potential for a FWB relationship I don't bother. Most have been one time things but I'm still open to the idea of a FWB.

I think the difference in my thoughts now is fear and shame have been replaced with It's my personal business.

[ac9803]

DO NOT BE ASHAMED! i know that it's easy to say and much harder to do, but when I accepted that I'm bi, that it's not my fault that I am what I am, life really got easier.
I'm a very masculine dude, no one suspects that I love to suck cock! I would love to let the world know, but after so many years of building a life as a straight guy, it would really cause more problems than it would solve.
I just wish that I had understood and accepted it in my early 20s instead of my 40s!
You haven't done anything wrong and you have nothing to be ashamed of.

[hazelcd]

Never be ashamed of what you do xxxx

[Rest85]

its a weird mix of shame and being turned on by the taboo aspect of it for me.

I feel the same and I like that mix. It's a turn on to be naughty and kinky and slutty. I attach all those things to the idea of pleasuring another man's cock. Submissiveness is another word that applies to my desires. I know not everyone feels that same way, but it's what works for me.