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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]One day and when he was slowly shoving his dick in and out of my ass, he leaned forward enough to whisper in my ear, "Have you ever thought about how wrong it is for us to be doing this?"

Strange question to ask while we were doing it, huh?

"I think about it all of the time," I said. "I just don't pay a lot of attention to it any more and before you ask, no - I don't regret any of it."

"Hmm," he said, burying his dick in me as far as he could get it. "So how come we can't get along with each other... unless we're doing this?"

"I don't know," I said. "I gave up trying to figure that out a long time ago; it just is what it is... and it's better than us trying to kill each other."

"Shit..." he said as his dick started pumping in the grip of my ass. It was still very good; still very damned nasty and immoral. I shouldn't be using my anal muscles to squeeze his dick while he was emptying his balls into me and I sure as hell shouldn't be enjoying it or, really, still enjoying it. We were "mortal enemies" except when we did this. I can't explain it - I just learned to accept it; strange bedfellows and all that.

He pulled out of me and used his hands to prompt me to turn onto my back; as I turned, I could feel his spunk starting to ooze out of me as he lowered his head to suck me into hardness before lubing us up and straddling me and the look on his face as my bigger and fatter cock slid into his ass was one I never got tired of seeing. He fully seated himself on me and started moving, his hands on my chest and idly playing with my nipples and said, "You know I can't stand you, right?"

"I know," I said, thrusting upward into him and making him get "that look" on his face.

"I just don't know why sex with you is so damned good," he said as I reached and grabbed his dick and started stroking it.

"I stopped trying to figure that one out, too - it's always been good and I don't question why it is," I said - and thinking that this was a really weird time to be having such a conversation.

He lay down onto me with his head next to my ear and whispered for me to fuck him. I was driving my dick into him and all the while thinking that we should have never started doing this and that it was true that we couldn't stand each other. I'm getting close to cumming and thinking that, shit - being like this with each other? We could have done great harm to each other, maybe killed each other while being so vulnerable and with our guard down... yet, it never occurred to either of us to do anything other than to enjoy having sex with each other and as crazy as it all turned out to be.

I busted in him and he sighed in my ear and said, "That just never gets old..." and even caught in the throes of my release, I couldn't have agreed more. We were both grown men and grown men who should have known better... and the truth was neither of us gave a damn about it.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]"No, it isn't," I said. "I just understand a truth that few people understand. Boys have sex with each other and one's brother is just another boy and you only think the way you do because you refuse to see the truth of what sex is really about."

"But the bible..." they began to say and I waved them off; it was a very old and tired comeback that I knew was coming, that and I knew for a fact that whatever the bible said about it was dead wrong - and at that time in my life, I knew why it was wrong.

"It's wrong," I said. "Or, really, it's not telling the truth; it's hiding the truth to be more accurate. Why do you think the bible says it's wrong?"

"Because God said so," was the expected answer.

"Really? You believe that, huh?" I asked. "And despite that, guys still have sex with other guys, don't they? It makes you wonder which thing is actually the truth - well, it would if you didn't believe what you believe."

Over the years, it's not like I never thought about the morality of it - I did. I'd even be thinking about it while having sex with him. They say if you don't mind, it doesn't matter and, clearly, neither of us minded a whole lot. Even after we got busted, it changed nothing other than to be more mindful not to get caught again. I understood the morality and, again, even understood why it existed for this and, okay - it is what it is but I couldn't get past the fact that despite how forbidden it was, brothers were and had been screwing each other all along. We weren't doing anything that other brothers hadn't been doing - and were doing. Given the way we'd come to... hate each other, we'd found a way for us to get along with each other even if it was only for as long as it took for us to suck each other off and then dump cum into each other's butts.

We didn't mind... so it didn't matter. It was sex; maybe not the way it was - is - supposed to be but sex just the same. Getting excited. Dicks getting hard. Sucking on them and tasting sperm and the sure and certain knowledge that we both got our sperm from the same source since, duh, we had the same father. Knowing how nasty it was and knowing that because it was so nasty, that's what made it so good. We should have never started doing it and we both knew it - and it changed nothing; you just cannot ever undo what's already been done and, yeah, sometimes it's really about being in for a penny and in for a pound.

If we were going to hell, we weren't gonna be the only ones.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]One person I shared this with said, "You couldn't have been that smart at that age!" and I very much begged to differ with them because I was. My parents knew it and the school knew it and they agreed to have me tested... a lot. I had no idea what an IQ test was... but I sure as hell found out what it was and what it meant... and that I didn't like taking tests.

So all of this just made sense to me; I'd realize, later on, that I had been able to do what a lot of people either couldn't do or it took them a long time to do it: I knew the truth of it and now it was just a matter of me spending a lot of time hashing out why it was the truth. All along, my brother and I would take every opportunity we could to suck and screw each other silly. I felt... honored when he busted his first nut with me; I was happily and eagerly sucking his dick when his whole body shook, he said something I couldn't make out - then his whole body went as stiff as a board and before I realized what was happening to him, my mouth got flooded with a whole lot of his stuff - and I mean there was a lot of it and so much that I almost couldn't swallow it all - some got away.

He was beyond over the moon and with a silly grin on his face said, "I'm a big boy now!" - then went down on me. A little later, he was in my ass and fucking me with more gusto than usual until he shot his stuff into me and as I felt his dick pumping away in me, I felt that we had finally "closed the circle" and that when we did it again - not if we did - it was going to be even better.

"Your moral compass is obviously broken," someone once said to me.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]I will never forget that moment, either. I'd slathered us both up with the venerable Vaseline, got him to turn onto his belly, got on top of him, and slowly pushed my dick into his ass. I heard him say, "Ow!" for a moment, followed by him saying, "Ooh - that feels good!" And I fucked him; he was so relaxed under me that I suspected that this wasn't really the first time for him - and later, I'd find out that it wasn't. He's under me, muttering to himself and grinding back against me; I'm working my dick in and out of his very greasy butt and even looking down to see myself fucking him. In my head, that voice - the one I was still learning how to ignore - was screaming at me about how wrong this was and doubly wrong and I did my best not to listen to it. It wanted me to stop... and I didn't want to... and neither did he.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]This had my mind so occupied that I almost missed him saying, "Shoot your stuff in me!" - and I shot it in him and I would be the biggest liar ever to say that it didn't feel good and even better than when I'd shoot my stuff in any of the other guys. He moaned in a way that, again, I won't forget, wriggling under me in a way few of the other guys did. I pulled out of him - reluctantly - and before I could tell him to do it to me, he asked, "Can I do it to you now?"

Of course he could. More Vaseline and I sighed happily as his smaller dick easily slipped into my butt and I settled in for the long haul because I knew that he wasn't shooting, would only get that good feeling, and that meant he could keep fucking me until he got tired. He finally got tired and we were looking at each other with very stupid grins on our faces; he said, "We gotta do this again!" and I said, "You betcha we will!" We got cleaned up and I went back outside to think about what just happened and to ask myself some questions, one of which was did I feel bad or guilty?

And the answer was, no: Not one bit. My mind reasoned that, again, the only difference between us doing it and me doing it with the other guys was he was my brother. A significant difference... and not so much of one. It wasn't that I couldn't and didn't know the difference between right and wrong; I was just so ahead of my time that I just knew it only made a difference to anyone who believed it really was.[/FONT][/SIZE]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I would be asked, "Didn't you feel bad about it?" and my answer would be, "Yeah, at first... but I got over it." But those inquisitors, in my mind, didn't ask the right question; it wasn't did I feel bad about it but at what point did I feel bad and if they had been insightful enough to ask the right question, I would have told them that I was feeling some kind of way about it right up to the moment when he closed his mouth around my extremely hard dick... and I instantly stopped feeling bad about what was gonna happen and, yeah, me caving in to him.

I would have told them, as a further explanation, that even though my mind was pitching a bitch about it, my body had other ideas and, yes, I was smart enough even at that age to be aware of it and more so since, duh, this wasn't going to be the first time I ever did it with another boy; the only real difference was that the guy who was now happily sucking my dick happened to be my kid brother - and my mind immediately erased this difference even if, at the time, I didn't fully understand why it did.

I came in his mouth and I will never forget the look on his face. A second of "what's this?" flashed across his face followed by a look of "that ain't bad!" and followed by him actually trying to smile with my dick still pumping away in his mouth. He let go of me, licked his lips, and said, "That was so cool! Do it again!" I remember just nodding then pushing him onto his back so I could suck his dick. I knew he wasn't shooting the stuff but I also knew that it was gonna make him get that "good feeling." His dick felt good in my mouth and I got into making him have the good feeling over and over and trying not to laugh at how he was reacting to it - giggling, mostly. By this time, I was good and hard again and he saw that I was and said, "Stick it in me and do it to me!"[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]"...have sex with your brother?"

I've been asked that by those I've let in on this fact in my life. Some have been horrified and some, uh, some have been strangely excited. The morality of it would be brought up, preached about with lots of Old Testament shit tossed in... and I'd learned to just listen to it and shrug a lot since I had also learned that the morality, such as it is, didn't mean shit. Even in my youth, I was a realist and of a mind to look past what people thought and because what they thought, well, just wasn't the truth. Shouldn't have done it never, ever changes the fact that it got done and this was one thing that taught me what "closing the barn door after the cows have already left" meant.

As I've written before, not only was it not my idea, I didn't even want to go there with him. In fact, the thought never crossed my mind until he started pestering me about it and the more he bugged me, the more I thought about the one thing any of us guys who were having sex with each other always thought about:

What if we get caught? I knew a few of my friends got caught doing it with a boy and a few of them got busted having sex with a brother and it didn't go well for them, like the one guy whose father beat his sons so badly they both spent a month in the hospital... and he got to spend a lot of quality time with his very long vacation and as a guest of the state. So when that little asshole started bothering me about this, yeah - ain't going there.

But I caved in; it became clear to me that while I could have beat him up, all that was gonna do was get me in trouble and more so when I'd be made to explain why I beat him up so in my mind, there was only one thing to do and the thought was if I did what he wanted us to do, he'd leave me the hell alone.

To tell the truth, if I had known ahead of time that having sex with him was going to be that good, I never would have objected for as long as I did. Morally, it wasn't okay and that much was very clear... but I knew of all the other guys who were having sex with their brothers and "kid logic" began to suggest that maybe it's not really as wrong as everyone said it was. I mean, really - all the other guys were doing it, right? Shit... some even got busted and they were still doing it - well, except those two who got sent to the hospital. So kid logic came up with something that just made sense:

Don't get caught.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]The most important thing I learned and had reinforced was that everyone was fair game until proven otherwise and everyone literally meant everyone. Anyone. Whether you knew them to some degree or it was a total stranger propositioning you. You never know when someone has tagged you as their prey, whether they wanna top you or bottom for you. I learned to be able to make snap decisions one way or the other; I learned to get my instincts to be more... aware and to be able to pick up subtle clues that would tell me that saying yes to the proposition would be a good thing or saying no was the best thing to say - and no matter how much they might keep bugging me.

I learned how to better [I]look[/I] at the guy in question, to be able to get inside his head to see what inside there and determine whether what I might see was in line with my view of things. It was just sex, of course, but it was about - is about - what it means to the other guy, whether it was just something to do or something that was a major force in his life. And then it would a matter if I wanted - or needed - to accommodate him. The thing I had to admit that sometimes a guy would pester me to let him blow me or to fuck him and despite any misgiving I might have, um, I would want to let him suck my dick and, um, busting a nut deep in his ass didn't really sound like a bad idea... but I'd have to deal with the consequences of my actions and I'd learn to accept this. The truth was that most of the time, my "bad vibes feeling" were kinda just my imagination but sometimes, yeah - I was right: Giving a guy my dick to play with would sometimes turn out to be a pain in the ass and sometimes literally; sometimes, I just guessed wrongly and I wouldn't be happy about that but, again, it was about accepting the consequences of the decision I made at that moment - and then having no regrets because it didn't - and still doesn't - make any sense for me to have regrets over something I wanted to do even if it didn't turn out "right."

Do you know what it's like to be prey? To be hunted?[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I had to learn to deal with these guys and had to learn to let my instincts about them provide more detail as to why they might be the wrong guy to have sex with... and to say no to them and mean it and stick with my decision without resorting to violence. I felt bad about rejecting quite a few of these guys but this was a matter of my own integrity. It wasn't easy for them to make me cave in... but I would and I had to learn not to really regret it so much and more so when, in fact, the sex was usually pretty good. But they weren't the only persistent hunters I found myself dealing with.

That would be the guys who were looking for their first experience with a guy. Some of them found their way to be by word of mouth... but many would just appear out of the blue and like they just knew that I was the "perfect" guy to introduce them to dick. I had gotten used to guys I knew - a little or a lot - asking me if we could blow each other or fuck and if my gut told me to turn them down, I'd say no - and that would be the end of that. The persistent ones? If they did anything else, they helped me perfect my... technique for giving a guy his first experience; I'd not only tell them what was good about it but I'd tell them what was - and what could be - their worst nightmare if they did this and I'd do it without having to lie to them about any of it. I quickly learned that the fastest way to stop them from bugging me was to literally scare the shit out of them with the truth. And it worked... sometimes. I was teaching my instincts that giving them what they wanted might feel wrong but, okay - if I tell them what the real deal is and this wasn't a game; this is gonna be some life-changing shit they're asking to get into - and they decide they still wanna have the experience, then so be it.

They couldn't and wouldn't be able to say that I didn't tell them what the deal was. But I also had to learn how to be there for them to pick up the pieces if/when their worst nightmare came true; I'd seen way too many guys get hung out to dry and left to deal with whatever they did on their own... and it wasn't pretty and that's being nice about it. I may not have really wanted to do anything with them but I wasn't an uncaring asshole about it even if I did. I had to learn to get used to being this type of prey for other guys; I could say no and mean it and wouldn't change my mind and if I did, it was because they could convince me that they were very much aware of the consequences of their actions and they were prepared to accept the responsibilities involved.[/SIZE][/FONT]