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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Still, I liked it when a guy would stick it in me, fuck me, and shoot his cum in me. I still wasn't sure whether or not I liked that more than being the one sticking it in but it really didn't matter a whole lot as long as we were sticking it in each other and fucking until we'd shoot cum - what an interesting word I had learned! - and if we could do it again, it just made sense to.

But as much as I liked it, I still liked - no, loved - sucking a dick until the guy came more than anything else. I'll probably write about that another time so stay tuned![/SIZE][/FONT]

[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]I liked feeling it going in; I liked the way I could feel it stretching my hole open and it would hurt - and sometimes a whole lot so I also didn't like that part so much; sometimes a guy would shove it me so fast it would either almost make me throw up... and sometimes I did throw up. Sometimes a guy would take too much time sticking it in and that would be so uncomfortable I would be about to tell him to stop - then feel the head of his dick slip past those muscles and followed by the rest of his dick and now it was getting past the discomfort so I could enjoy him being inside me and waiting for the part I really liked:[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]Him shooting jizz in me. Even when I wasn't having fun before that happened, feeling his dick "upchucking" in my butt always made it feel better; I even found that I liked that part more when a guy would stop fucking me and just let it shoot in because when he didn't move, I could feel that pumping action that was so nice and so nasty at the same time. When it was a grown up shooting it in? Holy crap! Comparatively speaking, they'd shoot so much of it that, sometimes, it would start coming out of my ass while they were still pumping it in! And sometimes I'd lie underneath them and find myself wondering if they were ever going to stop shooting it in.

Yeah... there was always that mess to deal with afterward; feeling it oozing out of my butt and running down my leg or, "worst" it would somehow just stay between my butt cheeks and making them feel all squishy and sticky... but I learned to not let that bother me. Sometimes a guy would stick it in me and shoot his stuff really fast... and I used to get so mad it wasn't funny and I had to learn to not get mad about that. Sometimes, a guy would just take way too long to shoot and I learned to either tell him to hurry up and shoot... or just stop and take it out and if they didn't, yeah - there was gonna be a fight jumping off.[/FONT][/SIZE]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I did very much like being the one to stick it in, too, and if the guy didn't want me to stick it in, well, that was fun, too. I liked the way they'd moan and even kinda like the way they acted when I was sticking it in them, making faces, squirming under me and all that and I learned to tell them to relax and it'll go in easier. It wasn't really the same as sticking it in a girl's pussy but it sure felt good and I'd fuck them, getting all lost in the nasty but good feelings knowing my dick was in his ass and I could feel the pressure building up until I shot my jizz in him...

But I wasn't quite sure which thing I really liked the most: Sticking it in a guy's hiney... or a guy sticking it in mine. Good and bad things about them both and I guess I kinda stopped trying to figure out which one I liked the most. There were times when a guy would say he wasn't going to stick it in me... and I'd be upset about it and while we'd spend our time sucking each other's dick until we couldn't get hard again, it always felt like something was missing. Even "worse" were those guys who wouldn't stick in me... but they wanted me to stick it in them. I would, of course, but I'd be thinking about how unfair it was that he didn't want to stick it in me, too, and it took me a long time to not get all upset about that.

The only guy I didn't have a "problem" with him not sticking it in me and doing it to me was the only gay guy in our group and I honestly don't know why it didn't bother me that he never wanted to fuck me. He was amazing at sucking my dick and he didn't mind one bit having his dick sucked but I came to understand that he liked "being the girl" and being fucked and I guess that just made sense to me. All it really meant was that after I did it to him, I could just go find one of the other guys and asked them, "Do you wanna do it to me?" and soon after, I'd get to feel that pleasure and pain of his dick going in my ass that I wanted and needed to feel; I hear myself telling him to do it to me over and over before telling him to shoot his jizz in me then feeling heavenly when he did. Sometimes, after a guy shot his jizz in, he'd stay in there until he got hard again and that would be so nice... and sometimes not so much and especially if he made my asshole sore or I got tired of feeling his weight on me... but I learned to deal with it.

I didn't care if it was nasty and in every way that meant. Stick it in me and fuck me until you shoot your cream inside me. It would make me feel so... girly and more so when I understood that him shooting his stuff in me was the same as me shooting my stuff into a girl's pussy... and it took me a while to get used to feeling like that because sometimes, eh, it didn't make me feel all that good; I was too smart for my own good because I knew what it meant when a guy shot jizz in me and like I was a girl and I remember almost throwing up one time when it hit me that he was really trying to get me pregnant. Impossible, of course, but it was a very ugly and nasty feeling just the same.

I'd sometimes feel "bad" about myself because any guy who wanted to stick it in me could do just that; we'd often gossip about what girls were really easy to do it to and I was just like those girls and as I've said here a few times, all a guy had to do was pull his dick out and I'd be all too eager to suck it and if he wanted to stick it in my ass, by all mean - hurry up and stick it in and shoot the cream in there! Any guy. Damned near anywhere and any time and even if I really didn't feel like having it stuck in me.

I think the worst part of all of this was not being able to explain to anyone - including myself - why I liked having a dick stuck in me and being fucked; I just knew I liked it and couldn't get enough of it, well, until that one time nine of my friends took turns fucking me and I understood that there was only so much of being fucked I could physically deal with; my poor asshole was sore for almost a week after that day.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I also learned, early on, that doing it to me like a girl - with me on my back - just didn't seem to work for me and like it would for other guys; my legs and hips just didn't want to work like that and no matter how much I'd relax or try to wrap them around a guy's waist or he'd try to get them on his shoulders. The pain I'd feel in my hips was much worst than his dick in my ass would feel so when a guy wanted to do it to me like he'd do it to a girl, I wasn't even trying to do that; let me turn over onto my stomach and you can stick it in that way.

I learned how to get fucked "doggy style" and being on my knees and my ass all up in the air was nice but I missed that body to body contact that comes from lying flat and having the guy lying on top of me as he humped his dick in and out of my ass. Some guys, in that position, would whisper in my ear or kiss my face and neck and it would feel even better and sometimes so good that I'd often drift off to sleep or, at the least, be nodding off. I learned that I did not like it when guys fucked me real hard or was otherwise rough; the discomfort was too distracting and I couldn't pay attention to the good feelings of having his dick in my ass. Sometimes I'd tell a guy, "Not so hard!" and he'd ease up and sometimes, they'd just ignore me and keep doing it even harder and in those times, you can guess and be sure of the fact that a fight was gonna start after he pulled his dick out.

I did have my "favorite" guys and guys who, after they stuck it in me, I didn't want them to shoot - I wanted them to just keep fucking me and there weren't that many of those guys.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]In my youthful debauchery, I could rarely wait for a guy to stick his dick in my ass and fuck me until he either got tired - before all of the guys got around to being able to cum - or I'd feel his dick pumping away trapped inside my asshole and knowing - and sometimes, feeling - his sperm going in me. The finish, it seemed, was the best part of it for me and even today, I can't really say exactly how it made me feel except those times when I felt so very dirty and no amount of soap and water could make me feel "clean."

There was always the anticipation as I'd lie down on my belly and kinda lift my butt up a little; I'd feel him climb on me, his hard prick poking around between my cheeks until he either found my hole on his own or I'd have to reach back and put him where he needed to be... and now it was waiting for the push, to feel his dick pressing into me and, depending on the guy, it would either hurt - and sometimes, a lot - or sometimes they'd sink all of their dick into me and I didn't even feel it going in.

Then feeling him lie down on me and start moving his own ass up and down, sometimes in that circular motion that defined "screwing" and allowing myself to get lost in the sheer nastiness of a boy fucking me in my ass. I would often be so... dreamy. Comfortable. Even kind of relaxing. Feeling his weight on me, feeling the heat of his body; hearing his breathing and whatever sex noises he was making; sometimes hearing that squishy sound of his dick going in and out of my butt - and trying not to laugh; then getting to a point where it was time for him to shoot his jizz in me and make it all feel so much better. Depending on the dick in my ass, I could feel the tremors in his cock shaft that would tell me that, soon, I'd feel his dick get longer and fatter - then feel it pumping and his jizz flowing into me.

Sometimes, I'd feel nothing at all and the only way I'd know he was shooting was, well, he'd say that he was or all the guy could do was cuss. If I didn't or couldn't feel his dick swelling in me or pumping, it was like there was something missing but, sure enough, when he finally pulled out, the evidence that he shot his stuff in my ass would start flowing back out. I'd often feel... empty after he pulled out and it wasn't what I'd call a good feeling unless in those occasions where I knew I fucked up by letting him fuck me and now I'm even happier that he's not fucking me any more.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]The joy remains despite how... complicated things have gotten. It's not all that easy to connect with a guy without having to be deemed worthy enough to have sex with them. I've spent a lifetime watching guys divide themselves into two camps: Tops and bottoms. Having so many preferences that even something as simple as getting together and sucking each other off is a major hassle. Finding myself dealing the fears others have and many of them that I learned that having them made little sense and only served to steal one's joy in this. Being safe and discrete is something I very much understand but my "upbringing" as a bisexual male does have a problem with how and why so many men makes having the joy of cock so much harder than it has to be.

While there are... necessary exceptions, there's much joy knowing that any dick can be sucked and any ass can be fucked and that sex like this would be so much better if more guys thought like this. Pull your dick out and let me suck it until you cum and then do the same to me; it shouldn't be that damned difficult but it is and the difficulties are quick to steal one's joy and that makes it even more important, at least to me, to not let that happen.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]That whole "right and wrong" thing was always hanging around and even more so when my brother and I started doing it to each other... but that was a special kind of joy, well, after I got over the way he got me to do it to him but little brothers are supposed to get on your last good nerve.

It was never a thing of me not knowing that all of this was wrong; it was a thing of me not caring that it was. It would sometimes bother me when someone would want to do it... and I just didn't feel like doing it - at first. I didn't know it at the time but I was training my mind to do it even if I really didn't feel like doing it because it was so good and such a joy to do it with another boy: So wrong and so right at the same time. It would often bother me to realize that I was being targeted and sought out because it was so easy to get me to do it and when I say that all a guy had to do was to pull his dick out, I'm not even kidding about that.

Or one of the teenagers would approach me and say, "I hear you like to suck dick - come on so you can suck mine!" Sometimes I really didn't want to but I'd go with them anyway, they'd pull their dick out, and if I didn't feel like it before, I felt like it now and the joy would return big time. If didn't didn't shoot in my mouth, I knew they were gonna shoot it in my butt and I loved that they liked fucking me and telling me how good my ass felt to them. I didn't always get to do it to some of those guys but, at the time, it didn't matter a whole lot because I was sucking them off and being fucked by them and the only thing better than that was doing it to girls and eating their pussies until they begged me to stop and stick it in them.

I was learning so much about the sex I was having because of a word I'd stumbled across: Bisexual. I learned that I liked doing it with girls more than I did doing it with boys... but that was a very close second. Of course, I was also learning what I didn't like and I sure as hell didn't like it when a guy was being rough with me and fucking me so hard that I couldn't enjoy any of it. There were too many times when I'd find myself under a guy and praying that he'd hurry up and shoot it in me - and then feeling bad afterward, not because a guy just did to me but because it didn't feel all that good to me.

I learned that it was important to me to be able to find the joy in having sex with a guy even if he was doing or saying things that would sometimes make me punch him in the face; I'd find myself, after such situations, sitting - and if I could sit at all - and being mad at them and myself about whatever happened but, at the same time, asking myself if I had fun with them before it stopped being fun and more often than not, I had to realize and tell myself the truth that before they pissed me off, it was good and joyful to be having sex with them... but I learned that there now had to be some things I shouldn't - and wouldn't - let some guy do to me because I now knew that they weren't doing those things to make me feel good, too; having that used and dirty feeling wasn't even joyful and if I learned nothing else, I learned that sometimes you gotta take the good with the bad and, if I could, find the joy in it and if it was there at all. Guys would "try to steal my joy" and I wasn't going to let them do that.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]So much joy in knowing that there were guys who wanted to do it to me; even more joy in hearing them asking me if I wanted to do it and more joy still to know that it didn't make much of a difference what we were gonna do. Most of the time, it was sucking each other's dick; it was "easier" because we didn't always have to get naked to do it and, again, we could do it pretty much anywhere.

And... adults. Full-sized, grown up dicks with huge balls and lots of hair down there. Capable of shooting a lot of jizz in my mouth or in my butt - and the added perk of being paid to let them shoot jizz in me. If doing it with my friends was wrong, doing it with them was even more wrong and the truth was that I not only knew it was so very wrong, [I]I didn't care that it was[/I] and, hmm, they didn't care either although, I guess and in their "defense," most of them were nine sheets to the wind to begin with and I was smart enough to understand the connection between them being all liquored up and wanting to have sex.

I had my "regular customers" and I always looked forward to running errands for them and knowing that my payment wasn't just going to be in cash - it was also going to be in hot, salty, jizz. Usually in my mouth - that was faster to do - but when I could feel at grown up dick squeezing its way into my butt - and making it hurt unbelievable good - well, did it really get any better than that? They would be impressed that they could get it in me without causing any damage but even the longest and fattest of them wouldn't try to get all of their dick in me but, yeah, they'd get enough in me to peg my joy meter big time and I'd learned to ignore them reminding me not to tell anyone about this.

Like I was gonna tell anyone other than my friends? But they knew, too, because I wasn't the only one experiencing the joy of a grownup dick in the mouth or ass and, yep - sometimes we'd get together and compare notes about which adult did it to us the best, who had the biggest dick and, very important, how much jizz they'd give us. I still remember the day that "Mr. Smith" wanted to pay me for an errand by sucking my dick... and the look on his face when I shot a load of jizz into his mouth and at the ripe old age of 10. That look of great surprise filled me with so much joy and I really can't explain why it did but, in today's terms, the look he got was... priceless. The, um, "bad news" was that he wore me out making me shoot in his mouth several times and so much that I had a hard time walking after he got done with me. But it was all good as far as I was concerned and especially when, most of the time, I'd run into one of my friends who'd want to stick their dick in my ass.[/SIZE][/FONT]