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[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]So while I'd suck pretty much anyone's dick (but not the uncut ones), not everyone could fuck me, not like it used to be. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what guy would be the "right one" to slide his cock into me and I never really figured it out... but I'd somehow know that I'd want this guy or that guy to fuck me and if I hadn't learned anything else, I had learned to trust my instincts totally and completely.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]I had to accept that I'd know when I wanted and needed to be fucked... so I should do just that and, besides, hadn't I already broken that supposedly solemn promise to never have anal sex again? Yeah... and quite a few times and it bothered me to have to admit that to myself. Sometimes the guys I wanted to fuck me didn't want to fuck me - they wanted to be fucked and, for the longest time, I just wouldn't do it... but I'd listen to my body and again make exceptions. Sometimes a guy would be sucking on my dick for an unusually long time and I wouldn't be anywhere near busting a nut and fucking him was the only way I was going to get off. And a lot of guys would pick up on the fact that I wasn't gonna cum with them sucking me and tell me that maybe I need to fuck them to get off... so stick it in them and fuck them until I came.

And I'd do it... and I hated the fact that I'd once again broken that stupid promise I made to myself. Even today, as I write this, I feel like an idiot for having made that promise even though I understand why I did; fucking a guy didn't have anything to do with me being fucked but I was of a mind that I wasn't going to do something to someone that I didn't want done to me and while it was all noble and all that, I had to recognize and accept that if I wanted and needed to cum and being sucked wasn't working - and the guy had no problem with taking me in his ass, well, needs must. They always must.

So being fucked as a matter of course wasn't fun for me... but being fucked when I wanted to? When my body was telling me that I needed to be fucked? Well, that worked. It was fun again. But I also realized that for me, it had to be the right guy at the right moment - there was no getting away from that strong impression and understanding that my instincts would tell me if it was the right guy at the right moment.

I love being fucked. Just a thing that not everyone who'd want to fuck me is gonna be able to fuck me. I still hate being in the missionary position - my hips just won't ever move like that and it is what it is. The best part is still that moment when the guy is busting a nut in me and you best believe that he'd better bust it in me because I don't play that pulling out and cumming all over me shit - ever. I have literally punched guys in the face for doing that and have broken a few noses and knocked some teeth loose for not dumping their sperm into my ass - and like they're fucking supposed to do.[/FONT][/SIZE]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]So instead of feeling his spunk oozing out of me, he'd squirt his jizz all in between my cheeks and making me all sticky and squishy and I didn't mind all that much because he did fuck me just the same. I had to learn to not be disappointed with those guys who, when they tried to get it in me, their dick would get soft and wouldn't get hard until they stopped trying to get it in me. It took me a while to figure out why that would happen and I knew it wasn't me - it was them and their inability to deal with the revulsion that can be felt trying to shove their dick into somebody's asshole and knowing what comes out of that hole.

Sometimes guys would fuck me for a very long time... and they couldn't cum and sometimes being fucked for that long a time got to be very uncomfortable and if he didn't give up, I'd just ask him to stop, pull out, and I'd jerk him off or give his dick a good cleaning and suck him off. Disappointing but, again, I was learning that it was just something else that could happen and there were too many things one could point a finger to for it not to happen.

But I still got fucked just the same. Small dicks. Stupidly big dicks. Fat ones... skinny ones... cut and uncut ones. A whole lot of sperm being injected into me... and only a tiny amount of it. It didn't matter so much because I lived for the moment to feel a dick get bigger in my ass (although, sometimes, some guys didn't get bigger) and then feel it pumping away inside me.

So good. So nasty. A guy would pull out and I'd hear the sound being made which just added to the delicious nastiness of just having been fucked and creamed. The soreness and that stupefying empty feeling, well, I didn't like them... but it was the price one paid in order to be fucked. And with every time I got fucked, I learned what girls liked and hated about it, how good it could feel and how it could be the worst decision one could make. Some guys were gentle... and some guys just weren't; some would do their best to make it good for me and others just didn't give a fuck if I liked/enjoyed what they were doing or not. And I had to learn to just go with the flow and accept the fact that I wanted or agreed to be fucked... and that's what happened.

And then, inexplicably, it stopped being fun to be fucked. Well, except when my brother would fuck me - that was always a great pleasure. I'd spent a night with a guy with a whopping 13" dick and it wasn't that he hurt me or fucked me badly because he was very gentle and careful but when we got done and he went on about his business, the whole thing made me sit and think about whether being fucked was as much fun as I thought I knew it to be.

And it wasn't. So I vowed to never be fucked again because I didn't see the point in getting my asshole gaped open and I wasn't enjoying it as much as I once did. I even thought that having the biggest dick I've ever dealt with was the reason why it was no longer fun to be fucked... but that, I learned, wasn't the cause of the way I was feeling about it. It just wasn't fun anymore and that guy with the stupidly big dick was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It took me a whole lot of years to get back to being fucked. Even though I had sworn off of anal sex - giving and receiving - well, I guess you can say that I lied to myself about it because my brother could fuck me and it was all good and sometimes I'd be with a guy, we're sucking the skin off of each other and my body is telling me that I needed that dick inside me. And, at first, I would ignore what my body was telling me but then, okay, I'd make and exception for particular guys who weren't my brother. It never got back to being as much fun as it was before but I couldn't keep ignoring the fact that with some guys, I needed their dick inside me - I just understood that letting anyone who wanted to fuck me do that wasn't my idea of fun any longer.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Sometimes it would feel so good and I'd be so comfortable being fucked that I'd often find myself nodding off, not really taking a nap but not really being awake. Having a guy's weight on me was comforting as was the steady rhythm of him thrusting into me and sometimes it would be a bit hypnotic, putting me in a kind of trance and, sometimes, giving me a rude awakening when he cried out that he was gonna cum or the "next thing I knew" his dick was pumping away crazily inside me.

Which always felt heavenly but would also make me feel like I missed something... well, um, everything after he shoved his dick into my ass. Sometimes, it just wasn't fun to be fucked and I'd find myself underneath some guy and he's plowing my ass... and I'm mad with myself for wanting him to fuck me and wishing he'd hurry up and cum. And a few times, I just told the guy to stop and get off me and, yeah, sometimes, I had to make him get out and off of me.

Sometimes I'd feel like a girl; the feeling was both exciting and very disturbing because I really did understand what was being done to me. But most of the time, it was just exciting and comforting to feel a hard dick being squeezed into my ass, feeling the muscles moving aside to admit him while trying to evict him at the same time. Then the thrusting and screwing and, again, I'd often zone out and the only thing I was aware of was that hard dick moving in and out of me.

Then the pumping. The sweet, beautiful and amazing pumping. Being inseminated. So awfully nasty to know that what he was really "trying" to do was make me pregnant which, of course, was impossible but still - he was doing to me what I'd do to both girls and other guys. Knowing how and why he was using me for his own pleasure and, sometimes, making me feel so dirty that no amount of soap and water would get me feeling clean again.

Then those rare moments when I'd find myself on my back, legs and hips being stressed in ways I knew I didn't like one bit... but being able to look down between us and see the guy's dick in me, watching it going in and out of me and feeling very girly while being fascinated that there was a hard dick in me - again - and somewhere along the line, he was going to pump his spunk into me.

And the only thing better than that was my being the one doing the fucking.

Even when, for some reason, the guy couldn't get his dick into me, gods, it felt good to feel his dick sliding around between my butt cheeks, the head of his dick either bumping against my hole or he's just got it pressed against my hole; I can feel my hole opening up and wondering why he wasn't able to get inside me, something that used to bug me but sometimes getting it in me - and no matter how easy it was - just didn't happen.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Between the ages of nine and, oh, twenty-four or so, I loved being fucked. It was scary, nasty, and terribly exciting. It didn't change my behavior when it came to having sex with girls but if nothing else, I got a great appreciation knowing what it was like to have a hard dick inside of you and squirting sperm into you.

My favorite position to be fucked in was to lie on my stomach and lifting my butt up just a bit; I'd been fucked in other positions and being in the missionary position was - and still is - my least favorite position because my hips have never wanted to behave right. Still, oh, it was so exciting to know that a guy was going to fuck me, to be lying there and, first, feeling his finger in my ass to spread whatever lube was available, then to feel him crawl on top of me and pressing his dick against my hole.

Then feeling that moment of pain/discomfort - and depending on the size of the dick - as the guy's boner went in me, sometimes slowly and a few times so fast I actually barfed a few times. I had long since learned to relax as the dick was going in me and it would hurt so good and once the guy got as far into me as he could, he'd start to fuck me.

Sometimes slowly, sometimes so hard and fast that my whole body would get shaken up and making me feel kinda sick to my stomach. But the feeling would pass and I loved having him on top of me, thrusting into me, cussing, calling on god or jesus, even telling me how good my asshole felt to them while waiting with anticipation to feel his dick get bigger in my butt - then feel him pumping sperm into me. And while I didn't always feel that first big shot of spunk, there was no mistaking that intense pumping.

The bad part? Well, for one, when the guy finally pulled out, I'd feel so empty and that feeling was bothersome and one that I never really got used to. The other? Yeah... depending on the size of the dick, my ass would be sore and I'd find myself "walking funny" and sitting down sometimes wasn't fun at all.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[COLOR=#FFFFFF][FONT=&amp]I’ve been [/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=#000000]I’ve been on and off this site for a while now off and on but have never really said anything till recently and I’ve had mixed feeling about it ever since I started interacting with everyone. I wonder now what type of person I am when it comes to my sexuality I seem to be all over the map. I at a young age interacted sexually with boys my own age but nothing more than a little touching and grabbing however my first full on having actual sex was when I was 13 and she was a 16 year old friend of the families daughter who my brothers and I spent the summers with going to year round school in the early 80’s because it was cheap daycare for my single mother with three boys at the time. She and I had been really close over the years and as we got older one thing led to another and we started getting touchy feely I guess we were safe and horny kids and we were around each other all the time that year. So she and I started hiding in the attic after school not to be bothered by the younger kids telling them we didn’t want to play with them so we could explore each other bodies. We lived there during the week and at night I would sleep in her room on a mattress on the floor which allowed us even more in the dark play time. These were the places she would let me explore her body in ways I couldn’t during the day and her mine and day after day I was allowed to touch and do more and more till one night she pulled me away from her breasts and told me to get on her where she guided my 13 year old cock right up inside her and seconds later I blew what was in me right up inside her… She told me moms and dads did this to make babies and we need to play mom and dad and make babies (we didn’t thank the heavens) and being a horny little shit I was all for it. That was one amazing summer for me she had her hand mouth or pussy wrapped around me cock almost every day we were together I can still remember all her curves till this day… We moved after summer and only saw each other every so often and we really never did anything till we all come together one Christmas we were in our late 20’s but that’s a different story for a different time but because of her I knew what to do when my first sexual experience with the first guy when one thing led to another.[/COLOR][COLOR=#FFFFFF][FONT=&amp]on and off this site for a while now off and on but have never really said anything till recently and I’ve had mixed feeling about it ever since I started interacting with everyone. I wonder now what type of person I am when it comes to my sexuality I seem to be all over the map. I at a young age interacted sexually with boys my own age but nothing more than a little touching and grabbing however my first full on having actual sex was when I was 13 and she was a 16 year old friend of the families daughter who my brothers and I spent the summers with going to year round school in the early 80’s because it was cheap daycare for my single mother with three boys at the time. She and I had been really close over the years and as we got older one thing led to another and we started getting touchy feely I guess we were safe and horny kids and we were around each other all the time that year.[/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=#FFFFFF][FONT=&amp]So she and I started hiding in the attic after school not to be bothered by the younger kids telling them we didn’t want to play with them so we could explore each other bodies.[/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=#FFFFFF][FONT=&amp]We lived there during the week and at night I would sleep in her room on a mattress on the floor which allowed us even more in the dark play time. These were the places she would let me explore her body in ways I couldn’t during the day and her mine and day after day I was allowed to touch and do more and more till one night she pulled me away from her breasts and told me to get on her where she guided my 13 year old cock right up inside her and seconds later I blew what was in me right up inside her… She told me moms and dads did this to make babies and we need to play mom and dad and make babies (we didn’t thank the heavens) and being a horny little shit I was all for it. That was one amazing summer for me she had her hand mouth or pussy wrapped around me cock almost every day we were together I can still remember all her curves till this day… We moved after summer and only saw each other every so often and we really never did anything till we all come together one Christmas we were in our late 20’s but that’s a different story for a different time but because of her I knew what to do when my first sexual experience with the first guy when one thing led to another. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]A lot of guys had been introduced to it by someone else so getting with me to do some cock sucking wasn't their first time so much and I learned how they were introduced to it played heavily into their desire to do it. A lot of guys got introduced by friends, family members, other adults; some were coerced into doing it, dared to do it, stuff like that and in a lot of cases, they were no stranger to sucking dick... but they hadn't been sucked so, for them, to have me blow them was a first and just like anything else in this, they either loved it or they didn't.

But, to me, the pattern was kinda clear in that the first thing a guy experienced was sucking dick, with or without sperm being in the mix. I was learning that a lot of guys were really surprised that they could be sucked by a guy and that sucking cock for the first time was so "easy" for them; some guys admitted to be very, very surprised that they didn't have to figure out how to suck a dick - and even if they'd never had their dick sucked before. In the early days, access to porn was only in the form of "dirty books" or literally on film - but you needed a projector to see it. But when the Internet came along and all kinds of porn could easily seen, it remained a constant that the first thing a guy wanted to experience was... cock sucking. Guys would come to me and either directly ask for this... or look like idiots dropping hints about it. Fucking? Totally a different thing or something they'd already decided they didn't want to try for the first time but, again, that made sense to me because, yes, it does hurt going in there the first time and depending on the size of the dick trying to get in there, it could be unbelievably painful.

So, again - maybe it was just a matter of cock sucking being the lesser of two evils? I didn't know... and I still don't know after decades of having given a lot of guys their first experience. I just know and have learned that cock sucking is usually the first thing a guy learns about and wants to experience and no matter how many women have sucked their dick and no matter if she got them off like that or not.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I gained a wealth of knowledge about cock sucking... but why this was still the first thing for a lot of guys continued to escape me and the older I got, the less I understood it. I had, indeed, stopped trying to figure it out but, in reality, it would still get into my head and more so when a guy would tell me he wanted to try it (and for whatever reason he wanted to) and I still thought that for the most part, sucking a dick was easier than having one shoved in your butt... except, with some guys, that was the second thing they wanted to experience - but not before they found out what it was like to have their dick sucked and to suck a dick themselves. Hell, for some guys who had their first experience with me, fucking was more of an afterthought than anything else because it was more important to find out about that cock sucking thing they'd heard so much about.

And even if they knew that gay guys were the kings of cock sucking. I learned that knowing this was one thing... but actually experiencing it was a horse of a different color. A lot of guys wanted to suck my dick... and just couldn't bring themselves to do it... and they would be highly pissed off that they couldn't. This one guy kept trying to blow me even when I practically begged him to stop trying because he kept throwing up and dry heaving every time he tried to get me into his mouth.

When being sucked, wow. A lot of guys just totally freaked out or they were so nervous that no matter how I sucked them - or how long I did - they couldn't get hard; some guys were so keyed up that they'd get hard... but they couldn't cum until I got them to relax and, if it helps, don't watch what I'm doing - then they'd cum like a fire hose and it was all good.

But... I [B]still[/B]​ didn't know why guys wanted this to be the first thing they learned. I did find out some other stuff, though.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Some guys could suck dick for the first time... and I wondered if they had been lying about that because they were very, very good at it. Some guys, well, it was pretty obvious they never did it before but I also noted that it didn't take them very long to get into it. One of the questions I got asked after a guy sucked my dick for his first time was, "Did I do it right?" And, yeah, even if I thought they didn't, I would say that they did because I was able to understand that sucking a guy's dick wasn't as easy as it looked or as may have been thought to be.

And a lot of guys, apparently, wanted to know what it was like and even if girls were blowing them. There were - and still are - a lot of guys who think that having a guy sucking your dick is different. There were guys who you couldn't pay to lick a girl's pussy... but they'd suck a dick in a flat, skinny second. And I still couldn't figure out why this was such an important first time thing for guys.

Over the years, I learned about oral fixation and how we're all born with the instinct to suck - on a nipple - in order to be fed and after a while, it didn't take long for me to figure out how this natural instinct played into the pleasure of sucking a dick and even sucking on a girl's pussy. Of course, I learned a lot about sucking dick... but I [B]still[/B] didn't know why so many guys wanted to experience this for their first time other than being very afraid of being fucked... because, as everyone "knew," that really hurt a lot.

So maybe it was the "lesser of two evils?" After a while, I stopped trying to figure it out but it never escaped my attention that in the majority of times, when a guy wanted to experience sex with another guy for the first time, cock sucking was the thing they wanted to experience. I had learned that a lot of those guys were highly curious - what it is like? How does it feel? Swallowing? Eh, either a guy did it or he spit it out - that acquired taste thing we've all heard about. Some guys would "accidently" swallow and, yep, some guys would throw it back up (and usually all over me) but, hmm, it wasn't that bad but some guys would taste sperm, find it not to their liking and when I was gonna cum - and I would warn them - they'd just stop sucking and use their hand to make me shoot and some would go right back to sucking me after I'd stop cumming.[/SIZE][/FONT]