Bi-sex in front of spouse first time?

[Tomstroker]

Hi! My wife and I have been having problems with our sex life for some time. We love each other but there is no real enjoyment anymore (we have been together for 19 years). Anyways, we were all at a cabin with some close friends and after some tequila (yeah, I know) she disappeared for a few hours in the washroom with a female friend of ours. All the banging from the washroom walls made things just a little obvious. So she denied everything to me the following day and I just shrugged paying no mind to it. Shortly after I found out that she was dating a guy behind my back and from some of the text messages and pictures I found it sure seemed like it went further than flirting. And crazier yet, I found out that she was on an adult dating site and meeting a variety of people (both men, women, and couples) at her job. I freaked out, calmed down and asked her flat out "Are you bi?" and she said yes. So I told her that I was bi as well and she seemed OK with that. She tells me she loves me more as a brother than a lover and that sex with me no longer really interests her. So, I was quite hurt by all this, and decided post to a few groups myself and met a local bi who was really looking to get fucked NOW. I met up with him and not long after I made the transition from Bi-curious to Bi-sexual. Later during the week I suggested to the wife that if we still love each other but the sex sucks, maybe we could swap with other couples (I had to laugh because she already happened to "know" the names of some local clubs). She could get what she wants but she would have to accept the fact that while she may be fucking other guys, I will be fucking other women as well. I also expressed to her that I would definatley be screwing around with other guys as well and whether or not she would be able to handle seeing that. She just replies "I don't know...". God, it pisses me off when she says she would like to have sex with another couple (MF), me not inclusive of course, but she cannot even commit to whether or not she can tolerate seeing me fool around with another guy.

SO....to summarize the story.....How have you "come-out" with an actual PHYSICAL situation with a member of the same sex in front of your partner??

[Skater Boy]

Ignoring your final question (sorry! :bigrin:) it sounds like your wife has a decision to make. If she no longer loves you romantically, she either needs to accept your proposal that you are both free to liase sexually with other parties. OR, its probably time to file for a divorce. Thats the way I see it, anyway.

When she says "I don't know", that could either mean that she still has some feelings for you... in which case, I would try and go for the former. Or it could mean that she really doesn't know because she doesn't want you to be a part of her life. In that case, the latter looms ominously on the horizon.

Either way, good luck!

[anne27]

Whew! I think y'all got a lot more to sort out than just if she's ok with seeing you with other guys.

:2cents:

[Skater Boy]

Whew! I think y'all got a lot more to sort out than just if she's ok with seeing you with other guys.

:2cents:

Ya, the fact that she cheated on him like that and both kept secrets is a bad sign (to say the least). But divorces can be expensive, so...

[Seasonschange]

It's better to be alone than deceived.

Her going behind your back, and continuing to exclude you, should be enough of a sign that she has likely moved on at some level. Her desire to explore herself and others on her own, along with her seeming refusal to acknowledge your needs and desires should be enough of a sign that maybe it's time to move on yourself.

I'm in a similar situation now, I think. I want to move on and end a relationship of 4 years.. I recently came out to her (i'm bi) and on the surface she was accepting..untill the question came up; "what about me being with another guy"

She does not seem so supportive now... which makes me wonder how I can ever find fulfillment being with someone who could not accept me being with another guy...even if it is something that I feel I desire..and want.

Forgive me for jumping around, point is that it may be that she can not find what she needs with you, as you also will likely not find fulfillment with her as your lover.

[LWynn4]

well its your choice if you want to stay with her, but she sounds like a bit of a bitch, not the good type either unfortunately.

to answer you questions I have only "come out" in front of my girl friend once and she was a active participant whether I liked it or not.

oh piece of advice friend. its always better to be loved, than to be IN love.
buddy become friends with her and call it quits, but its your life abd I'm not about to start preaching to somebody older and wiser.
good luck