HELP! i'm in love with my best friend?!

[martini_KISS]

my best friend recently told me that she's bi. she's dropped hints that she's made out with friends before, and she's open to it. we spend almost all our time together, and we used to joke that we were going out. ive had a crush on her for a REALLY long time, and i dont know if she feels the same way. if i ask her about it, it might ruin our friendship?! idk help plz.

[DiamondDog]

Why not just go for it? Just talk about it A LOT at first so you make sure that neither of you gets hurt or has expectations that the other one can't fulfill.

I've done this with best friends of mine and it worked out well and we still talk to each other even though my friends are no longer a couple.

[citystyleguy]

in situations like this, it is very difficult to separate the feelings from the desires. as a guy, and not to be sexist, i will probably look at things differently than a woman might, but one thing that i can say for sure is that the relationship between you and your best friend WILL CHANGE SIGNIFICANTLY.

i wish i could say that everything will be fine, and it could very well happen, but everything you feel now will be expontentionaly greater after any intimate involvement. i speak from experience, with mixed results; if everything works out, you will be in a state of unending ectasy. if not, prepare for the depths of hell. so what are my suggestions?

tread carefully; be honest and expect nothing less from your friend; back off if things get too intense, re-enter and back off as necessary, until you are certain that things have changed for the worse. from here i can only wish that you two know enough of each other to know where to step and that you reach that point of near perfect intimacy.

[innaminka]

but one thing that i can say for sure is that the relationship between you and your best friend WILL CHANGE SIGNIFICANTLY.

.

I agree here totally. Once you've had sex with a person - whatever circumstances, the relationship between you changes unless you were total starngers.

Its not to say there will be a nagative change, but think things through very carefully.

Good luck.

[Lisa (va)]

Just as there are different ways to define a person's sexual orientation there are many different forms of love. I do so love my best friend Jen and am confident that she me as well. What we are first an foremost are friends; we have made love on many ocassions yet we have never "dated" each other. I firmly believe folks should be able to talk and express their emotions with friends, family and lovers. As a best friend, Jen didn't need for me to say that making love between us will cease once I got married, she just knew, because she knew me. She has been over to our house a few times when she comes back to town for visits and it's like just as it seemed natural to be with each other prior it seems natural that we don't. That what I called a really good and true friend, when you know without having to discuss it, though we talk for what seems like forever. But every person is different, but for many it seems that communication is a key factor.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[clairey271978]

hiya, ur ina bit of a situation that i fink i can relate to, i also would be scared of it ruining the friendship, ive got best friend of 17 years that people say to me..go on go 4 it....but would i regret it would it be all ruined jus because of curiosity...mmmm all i can say babes is think long and hard, talk alot in depth 2geva make sure its wot u both want b4 jumpin in...i wish u the very best of luck babes hope we can chat sometime, xxxx

[Tynary]

*sigh*
I'm in lv with my best friend. hes a boy tho. its trips my soul apart.
At least from the sounds of it ur friend is open and dropping huge hints its sounds. I wish I had that *depressed look* i think ur lucky and i think u should try ur luck and go for it wthout a doubt.
ifshe is bi and acts the way u describe then go 4 it. u have no idea what it is like to be in lv when peer pressure is all sround u, u r young and the person u r in lv with is cold by nature, scared and u have no idea what 2 do . I say go 4 it and make ur life have some happiness. u may call it change in a relationship and it can be or it can be as my m8t put it once simply moving ur relationship to the nxt level. it cud deepen it. no one said u cnt be lovers and friends. u can it just makes the relationship deeper and more intense. good luck

[sammie19]

Why not just go for it? Just talk about it A LOT at first so you make sure that neither of you gets hurt or has expectations that the other one can't fulfill.

I've done this with best friends of mine and it worked out well and we still talk to each other even though my friends are no longer a couple.


How can you legislate for the huge change in any relationship that the move from loving best friend to loving sexual partner will make? No matter how much talk goes on, and if you are friends and lovers then talk you must, I do not believe it possible to allow for the even greater change that the ending of the love side of the relationship can mean entirely. The question is about love, and I mean "in love" here.

Beginning a physical relationship with anyone can be a huge step, but beginning one with your best friend has added dangers which I dont think most give much credence to until its too late. If and when the sexual relationship ends can we simply revert back to being loving best friends? Its possible and it does happen but all too often I believe most are not equipped to handle it.

It has never happened to me so its not an area I have personal experience of, but I do know of at least one relationship where two people were inseperable that was ruined when one of them was unable to handle the others confession of love for her. Its not exactly the same scenario but its pretty close. They have rarely spoken since and I know the person who was rejected has never quite recovered from the loss of her best friend.

In the end its a gamble. Love always is. If the gamble pays off great, but if it goes sour then can we ever be fully prepared for what can be awful consequences?

[suegeorge]

Woah, tricky one.
I mean, your friend might be feeling the same - it certainly sounds possible - or she might not.
It seems every option is fraught with risk. You risk your friendship by acting on your feelings, and you risk years of unrequited love by not saying anything.
What about, if you give her a goodbye hug, holding on a little bit longer than usual and see whether she holds too. Or, ask in a jokey way if she has ever thought about sleeping with you (does she know you are bi yourself?) and look at how she responds - as well as listening to what she says!

Good luck!

Bisexuality and beyond (http://suegeorgewrites.blogspot.com)

[glantern954]

My wife became a friend of mine when I was 16. My mother worked for hers. She had expressed interest in going out on a date, but I thought it might be weird that my mother worked for hers. Almost 10 years later, we both came to a point in our lives where we were both single and hadn't seen each other in a while. So we got together, as friends, to see a movie like we did when we were younger and our lives were less complicated.

Neither of us planned it, but that night changed the rest of our lives. If I hadn't kissed her that night, 15 years ago, I can't imagine what my life would be like today.

Trusting my wife as my friend, was a big reason I was able to tell her about my sexuality and think deep down that she would still love and accept me.

So in my experience, building a relationship on a friendship has been a great thing and I can't imagine doing it any other way now. Is it worth possibly losing a great friend? I would have to say yes.

[Doggie_Wood]

my best friend recently told me that she's bi. she's dropped hints that she's made out with friends before, and she's open to it. we spend almost all our time together, and we used to joke that we were going out. ive had a crush on her for a REALLY long time, and i dont know if she feels the same way.


Sound as if your lines of communication (that important "C" word) are already open. In any type of relationship, be it friendly or intimate, communication between the two of you is very important.
As others have already said, talk to her about your feelings. Take it slow at first. Ask some questions, kind of like hint around - you know - the "what if .... " type of talk. Do you still spend a lot of time together and 'joke' about going out?? If so, you can use that as a platform for asking her questions about how she feels towards you.
Feel her out first and if it seems that her feelings and interests are along the same line as yours - then come out and ask her.
The one thing that is for sure - which ever direction you two take - change will happen. Let's hope for the best.
:doggie:

[twosides]

With all the considerations mentioned before me taken into play, I say go ahead and ask, persue, and accept the outcome. Love, intimacy, even friendship is not built on holding back. You need to talk about it or that elephant in the room will just make the relationship go another way if you don't do something about it.